just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
