i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
