Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So squirting runs in the family.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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