Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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