i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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