it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize