we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
