I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
