I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
