there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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