i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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