Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
