Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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