What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
