I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
