I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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