Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
