I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
