I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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