who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Can I color on your dick again?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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