Yo dont text me then not text me
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
