I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
