All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Randomize
