Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
