All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
