Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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