I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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