the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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