And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
