That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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