its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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