here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
