so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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