THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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