Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
