Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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