Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
