I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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