sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
