yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
