that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
