Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
