THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
