dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
