Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
