i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize