he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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