We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
