i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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