i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
