I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
