Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
