barbara walters just said penis...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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