I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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