So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
