were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
