just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
