Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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