I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize