I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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