Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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