forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
as a side note pls kill me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
