my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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