There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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