What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
