I think my vagina is haunted
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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