she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
