So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
