He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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