Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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