Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
