Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
