We're like a lot better than the average bears
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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