is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
