if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
