I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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