I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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