Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
