I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
