She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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