Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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