I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
