thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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