i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
