im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize