Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize