I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
