Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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