My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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