Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
