He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
