i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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