2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Tell her she can't have a vagina
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
