His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
