just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
When are your genitals available?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
